"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"
**********
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
*The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint Exupery
On June 18, 2011, twelve boys and girls, ages 7-19, publically told their fathers why they were unique to them, in all the world. These twelve children were the winners of the Twins-sponsored Minnesota Father of the Year contest. I was lucky enough to be one of the teachers of a student receiving the award, and was able to attend the ceremony.
Through the essays, we heard that for some, the parents and children had "established ties" from birth, and those ties have continued to grow stronger and stronger. For others, the ties had been strained, sometimes even broken for a while, and the parents and children were working hard to reestablish them, keep them, or strengthen them. Heartfelt messages of comfort and security, pain and patience, love, understanding, and acceptance filled the rotunda of the Minnesota State Capitol as each essay was read by the student author, telling the father why he was to the child, unique in all the world, and why they had need of each other. The listeners' eyes often brimmed with tears.
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day..."
The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you...One must observe the proper rites..."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours..."
The annual Father of the Year Essay Contest is a rite, designed by the National Center for Fathering, headquartered in Kansas City, MO. It provides an official way for students to tell their stories and to celebrate those fathers who are actively involved in parenting their children.
This year in Minnesota, over 7000 essays were submitted. Over 7000 children voluntarily reflected on their relationships with their fathers. They thought of what their fathers meant to them. They thought about their parts in the relationships; and then they told their stories.
In schools we teach children how to read, and we also provide the rituals for students to think about what they read. In schools, we teach children how to write, and in doing so, teach them the rituals of reflecting on their lives, on the world around them, and on our global society so they write thoughtfully and intelligently. The rites of reading, thinking, reflecting, and writing can enhance relationships because while they are intellectual activities, they take us into our hearts. Rituals and rites give us structures so we can learn and express what we find there.
This June, I learned much about the National Center for Fathering, a wonderful organization. I learned that this year, over 7000 children went through the ritual of writing a personal essay. Over 7000 fathers heard their children's stories. More than 14,000 relationships grew just a little bit stronger.
This experience deeply affirmed my beliefs in the value of a quality literacy program.
When our children read meaningful books with well-developed characters who change and grow through realistic relationships; and when we teach them how to notice and think and talk about the deeper meanings of the stories they read, they vicariously learn how to handle relationships in their own lives.
When children are taught every day to think, reflect, and write in meaningful ways about that they read and what they experience in life, they become reflective people who care.
A quality literacy program that facilitates the teaching of higher level thinking can be a powerful vehicle for shaping people who not only can read and write, but who do read and write, and who think reflectively about their relationships and about what happens around them.
Story Note: In The Mailbox, by Audrey Shafer (Yearling, 2006), two very different people discover how much they have need of each other. Twelve-year-old Gabe goes to live with his Uncle Vernon after spending time in the foster care system. Uncle Vernon, a Vietnam veteran, dies suddenly, his death undiscovered by all but Gabe, leaving Gabe paralyzed with uncertainty. Gabe receives anonymous letters which help him to understand his uncle and how he was affected by war. Gabe's perceptive teacher, Mr. Boehm, becomes the link between Gabe and the mysterious letter writer, helping them to understand how they have, through their need, helped each other. (Fountas & Pinnell level Z)
*The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint Exupery. Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich. 1943, 1971.
The Father of the Year essay contest is only one small piece of the mission and goals of the National Center for Fathering. On their website, www.fathers.com, you can read about their research, training, programs, and resources through which they reach one million dads annually.
